During COVID, I had 2 second graders and a fourth grader I was trying to “teach” at home. One of my sons was VERY OVERWHELMED by virtual schooling and we would find him in our hallway closet, trying to calm down. ADHD may be known for inattentiveness and impulsivity, but a commonly overlooked hallmark symptom is emotional dysregulation. It’s very common for an ADHDer to go from calm to smoke coming out of their ears before they realize it. This is not a character flaw, but a sign of nervous system dysregulation that can have a significant impact on relationships, work, parenting, and self-esteem. If you are looking for resources on what causes this, common triggers, and practical strategies on how to manage your nervous system, keep reading!
Why Emotional Regulation Can Be Difficult with ADHD
The ADHD Brain Processes Emotions Differently
- Emotional impulsivity-the way ADHD brains are wired affect how emotions are felt and processed
- Strong emotional reactions
- Difficulty shifting away from emotions once activated-sometimes you just can’t let it go, especially if you also have a strong sense of justice
Executive Function and Emotional Regulation Are Connected
- Inhibitory control-ADHD brains struggle with impulse control, so why would suppressing emotions be any different?
- Working memory-ADHD working memory is already decreased, so it’s frustrating when you can’t remember things, even for a few minutes
- Cognitive flexibility-I am the worst at this; I need a plan, and if we deviate from this plan, I get upset.
- Why stress makes regulation even harder-because stress is running in the background, you are more tired, making regulation even harder.
Emotional Dysregulation vs. Being “Too Sensitive”
- Distinguishing neurological differences from personality traits-emotional dysregulation is the way your brain is set up, it is not who you are as a person.
- The impact of years of criticism, masking, and misunderstanding also contribute to making you sensitive to emotions. You have had years of living with 2 pieces of negative feedback for every 1 piece of positive feedback.
Common Signs of ADHD Emotional Dysregulation
Feeling Like Emotions Go from 0 to 100
- Sudden anger
- Frustration
- Anxiety
Difficulty Recovering After Being Upset
- Rumination
- Replaying conversations
- Staying emotionally activated for hours or days
Rejection Feels Especially Painful
- Rejection sensitivity-having intense emotional episodes after receiving feedback
- Perceived criticism can trigger intense reactions
Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout
- Constant emotional effort
- Nervous system overload
What Makes Emotional Dysregulation Worse?
Lack of Sleep
Sleep actually plays a huge role in emotional regulation, so it’s important that you are striving for 7-9 hours of sleep each night to support this.
Chronic Stress and Caregiver Responsibilities
Sensory Overload
Hunger, Low Protein Intake, and Blood Sugar Swings
Protein can support dopamine production and keeping your blood sugar stable will also help with mood stability. Make sure you are eating regularly!
Masking and People-Pleasing
ADHD-Friendly Strategies to Regulate Emotions
Identify Early Warning Signs
- Body sensations
- Energy shifts
- Emotional triggers
Regulate the Body Before the Mind
- Movement
- Deep pressure
- Breathing
- Sensory supports
Reduce Cognitive Load
- Simplify decisions
- Use external systems
- Lower unnecessary demands
Build Recovery Time Into Your Day
- Micro-breaks
- Transition periods-build in time to transition from one big activity to another
- Sensory decompression
Practice Naming Emotions
- Increasing emotional awareness
- Moving beyond “fine,” “stressed,” or “overwhelmed” and really focus on what you are feeling. Bonus points if you can name what specifically happened to cause those feelings.
What to Do in the Moment When Emotions Feel Too Big
- Pause Before Responding
- Create Distance From the Trigger
- Use Regulation Tools That Match Your Nervous System
- Movement-based strategies
- Sensory-based strategies
- Grounding techniques
Focus on Recovery Instead of Perfection
- Emotional regulation isn’t eliminating emotions
- It’s shortening the recovery period
When Emotional Regulation Challenges May Signal Burnout
- Increased Irritability
- More Frequent Emotional Meltdowns or Shutdowns
- Feeling Like Your Usual Strategies No Longer Work
- Burnout Often Amplifies ADHD Symptoms
When Additional Support Can Help
Coaching for Executive Function and Nervous System Support
These are services I offer through Creekside Health Coaching. I’m happy to do a free consultation with you to discuss how this could fit into your life.
Therapy and Mental Health Support
Therapy can be instrumental in learning new coping strategies or help with processing emotions.
Medication Considerations
Sometimes medication can be the best route and that’s okay! This is something to discuss with your primary care physician or a psychiatrist.
Building a Sustainable Support System
It’s crucial to have a trusted village to help you not only as a safe space to process emotions and feelings, but to help offload some of your cognitive load.
Conclusion
Emotional regulation is a skill supported by the brain and nervous system, not willpower. Small, consistent supports often work better than trying harder. Emotional intensity can become more manageable with the right strategies and support.
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