I don’t know how your family is, but mine always hits a point in May when summer break can’t come soon enough.  This year, that was especially accurate: we finished AP exams, regular exams, eighth-grade graduation, and finally breathed a sigh of relief.  One of my sons was struggling a lot socially, so this break couldn’t have come at a better time to let some of that tension dissipate.

But now I have a junior and two freshmen.  When you have kids, you always assume your babies will never grow up, but here we are.  I regularly ask my kids what they are most excited about for the school year and what they are most nervous about.  This is our current list and my hope is that it will resonate with other parents-you do not need to feel alone on this journey!

From my junior (who is ADHD and extremely anxious):

• Excited about: Getting to go to prom
• Nervous: 3 AP classes, taking the ACT, taking college counseling and having to make some big decisions about what kind of post-secondary experience she wants and where 
• **She has extreme separation anxiety, so college is not something she likes to talk about**

From my freshmen twins (both are ADHD, one also has anxiety):

Excited about: more freedom, bigger campus, more opportunities to learn, hands-on experiences

Nervous: increased challenge, navigating social dynamics, meeting new teachers who haven’t necessarily known them since birth (they have been on the same campus as me since they were 5, so everyone knew who they were.  They are kind of starting from scratch this year).

Read on to discover how our family is navigating these challenges, before and after the school year starts.

Before School Starts

For the Junior

• Signed up for an ACT prep course-she has significant test anxiety, so naturally, a test that can determine where she goes to college is anxiety producing.  We signed her up for a prep course so she can learn HOW to take the ACT and strategies to help.  She’s also waiting until after the course to take her first ACT so she doesn’t need to go in blind.
• AP Classes: she took 2 this past year, so she is aware of what the workload is like.  I don’t die on many hills as a parent, but the one I will die on is if you are going to take an AP class, play to your strengths and interests.  It does you no good to try to take an AP science class if you hate the subject matter.  She is an English/History girl, so she is taking AP Language, AP US History, and opted for AP Environmental Sciences, instead of physics.  This way, she is challenging herself on things that she is passionate about, instead of fighting the process the whole year.
• College Process: When I say she actively puts her hands over her ears when I say the word “college”, I’m not exaggerating.  She is very anxious about the idea of living outside of home and probably more importantly, attending a school that she hasn’t just attended from 5 years old-18.  The flip side is that she really wants to be independent and not feel this way, so it will be a long process for us to find a good fit.  Here are some things I have tried to introduce this summer:
  • We are touring a college while we are on vacation.  It is 9.5 hours away from home and I have told her that I don’t really have an expectation for her to want to go there.  Removing that pressure, I want her to decide what aspects she likes and what she dislikes about it to inform visits of other schools she may be more interested in.  And also, who doesn’t want to start building their college t-shirt collection?
  • My daughter is still fairly undecided on what she wants to major in.  She is somewhere between History and English, maybe Pre-Law.  Thankfully, our school has a program where she can job shadow, so we are talking about places she may want to explore in the second semester of her junior year.
  • I am moving at her pace.  I know this is a big, stressful decision, so I am trying to be patient and not push conversations she’s not ready for.  

For the Freshmen

• Role-playing-We are role-playing how to ask teachers for help.  Yes, they know how to do this, but it feels different because these are new to them teachers.
• Create a plan for the school year-one of my sons is working with a tutor on executive function and study skills.  Am I perfectly capable of doing this with him?  Yes.  But also, teaching your own child (especially one as strong-willed as this one) can be awful for both parties.  It takes a village and so far, his tutor has been able to create rapport and he listens to her.  
• Navigating Social Dynamics-we are also practicing this one at home.  If you read my article on Masking vs. Unmasking, you know that I am trying to help them navigate different environments and how to “read the room”.  This is particularly challenging for one of my sons, so we are working hard to improve in this area.
• Introductions to Key People-before we got out of school, I made an appointment for my sons to meet the Learning Specialist at the high school.  This person will help them navigate their accommodation usage and help them stay organized.  I also introduced them to the high school counselor and showed them where her office is.  These are important people for them to know and I wanted to begin building those relationships as soon as possible.

After the School Year Starts

Junior: Honestly, she’s pretty on top of stuff during the school year.  She knows what her accommodations are, how to request for isolated testing and extra time, and is very good at asking questions when she doesn’t understand something.  The only thing she will need to fine-tune is adjusting to a new schedule.  She is very good at using her free periods to do her homework because she knows that’s when her ADHD medicine is working.  

Since she has a weekly class to work on looking at college choices and working on admissions essays, I am leaving most of that to school so I don’t stress her out.  We did decide we were going to take a road trip over spring break to look at some viable options, so that gives her until March to get an idea of what she wants.

Freshmen: I got spoiled by having a girl first, so I have to be a little more hands on with the boys.  They are still trying to figure out how they study best, how to stay on top of their homework assignments, and how to do quality work without rushing through it.  They are better now than they were, but they still need to work on it.  Once school starts, it will be up to them to find a rhythm of work flow and stick with it.  They have never been great at using their accommodations, so we will continue to work on that this year.  They are definitely better about asking for help if they don’t understand something, but this will be a project as well.  

What are your hopes, dreams, and concerns for your neurodivergent child for this school year?  Please share, regardless of age!